Warning: adult language below! 

“Falsehood and illusion carries with it the seeds of its own destruction.” ~ Ancient Chinese Proverb

In this article I want to share with you five reasons why many relationships are based in illusion and lies which cause unnecessary pain, suffering, and insanity.

(Or, it could be called five reasons why I’m an offensive opinionated dickhead…I’ll leave up to you to decide after you read it!)

Obviously not everyone has the experiences listed below—there are many great relationships out there. But these experiences are so commonplace that bad relationships also seem to be in abundance.

The major aim here is to shed some light on common ways in which many of us—myself included—have disempowered and/or are disempowering ourselves in the context of our relationships. Thanks to our conditioning, we too often limit ourselves and stay trapped in stagnant patterns which lead us further from who we really are.

How much time and energy are we spending trying to prove, control, demonstrate, or justify some element of the relationship that we think we are supposed to have in place? How fruitful and solid is that orientation? How’s it working?

I hope that what I say below won’t be taken too personally.

1. Relationships are often based on illusions like the following:

  • there are two separate, independent individuals
  • permanence actually exists
  • we have complete control over the outcome of the relationship

In many ancient traditions, the belief that one has an independent permanent abiding self is seen as a state of disease and imbalance. So what does it say about our state and the potential of our relationship if this is a our foundational basis?

A couple of minutes of observation easily reveals that everything in this reality is always in flux and transformation. We can have an experience of understanding this through, say, meditation, and then 15 seconds later get back on board with our egocentric defensiveness.

Such is the delight of the monkey mind.

So if there is no permanent self and this world is in constant transformation, then who or what can really be controlled?