2. Relationships are often based on needs, emotional lack, and/or past traumas.
Often, we treat relationships like medication for our fears and insecurities, thus subconsciously burdening our partners with the responsibility of being the “emotional drug dealer.” This is clear and easy to see when we reflect on how common it is for people to talk about their “needs” and what they “want from a relationship.”
We have also probably observed how crazy people get when these needs and wants aren’t fulfilled in the way that we expect—that is, that our partner seems unwilling or unable to do this for us.
This is classic co-dependent behavior: we attach our emotional well-being and our sense of self to an external entity.
If we honestly asked where those needs and wants came from, it’s highly likely we would eventually arrive at what I’m talking about. We should be asking ourselves whether we are looking at the relationship to offer each partner freedom, independence, and empowerment, or some sort of validation of our egocentric story, thus somehow medicating our emotional lack.
Either way, it’s important to get in touch with what we actually mean when we talk about needs and wants and where they come from: Are we creating unspoken contracts and responsibilities? Are we respecting both parties intrinsic space and rights?