3. Relationships are based on the acquisition of something in the future.
This is a basic “doing to get” orientation towards reality—or in Buddhist terms, dukkha (suffering). Suffering pollutes the present by not being good enough while also polluting the future by putting the pressure and expectation on it that it must be better. This might sound crazy but it isn’t, because when we’re happy and content in the now, improving on the future doesn’t even cross our minds.
This can be quite a trap since the relationship can transition into a “working on the relationship” dynamic, which can easily be an infinite loop. This is because A. there’s no objective solid thing called “a relationship” and B. there’s no future where things can be “improved.”
For instance, if I said that new Ferrari will make me happy, many people will would oblige that materialism can’t really bring satisfaction and that happiness is an inside job. My question would then be, is this same logic applied to our relationships? I would say the answer is usually no because we’ve been conditioned our entire lives with “romance” through the media telling us that this is the ultimate way to happiness.
Maybe the same people that manipulate our ideas of beauty and happiness and what we need to buy to achieve that are the same ones selling us an visions of salvation and deliverance through love and romance.
Could these things even be connected and feeding upon the same void with in the psyche?