5. Relationships are based in ignorance and insanity.
These are strong words which may seem offensive, but if we look at their definition away from any emotional charge or connotations, this statement becomes obvious.
Ignorance is simply the ignoring of something; insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results.
We tend to ignore many of the concepts noted in this article. If we were to objectively and honestly reflect on our relationship history, then we would see a trail of hurt and pain. Maybe we hurt someone else, maybe they hurt us, maybe we hurt each other…but we too often choose to ignore this. We somehow believe that our next relationship will be perfect.
If we keep repeating the same thing over and over again thinking that it will lead to a different result, this is insanity. We believe that a change of scenery, change of look/style, a bit of therapy, a bit of “self love”, or a bit of spirituality and now things will really be different. Often these things are another form of ignorance, or worse, repression and denial. We might say “I’m really over it now,” or “I’m really better.”
We go through the motions of cycles of blaming, shaming, and guilting ourselves and others trying to find the reason or cause for our “issues,” something which the self-help industry is happy to sell us.
For context, consider things such as:
- The repeated way in which women are abused and oppressed
- Current divorce rates
- The popularity of online dating
- The history of the institution of marriage across various cultures
- How many people are on psychiatric drugs
- How the media sells us “love” and “romance”
I write this article not to be accusatory, but to explore the idea that perhaps, when it comes to relationships, our foundations are not so solid. These things keep us trapped functioning at the low level of consciousness and disempowerment that is centered around action, effort, will, and striving, where we believe that we must be or do something to get something, or else.
It could be useful to take a step back and examine the dynamics at play with in our own lives.
Simply observing something alters it and puts us in a more empowered place to intuitively feel out and sense the right action at the right time. To move or not, to act or not, to govern by not governing, rule by not ruling. This is more like playing music or creating something artistically as contrasted with the petty dictator role we’ve been sold as “normal human functioning.”
We may not really have control and we may not really even exist as independent selves, but we can make different choices.
We can choose to bring more acceptance, honesty, humility, and humor into our lives.
I don’t have any advice or solutions to offer, aside from that there aren’t any solutions. Any solution that comes from the mind and/or mental gymnastics is high likely to be another manifestation of the thing medicating itself, aka the guitar tuning itself. This can be a tough one to get our heads around since it contradicts all the lies we buy into, but if we reflect on our lives, I bet it’ll become pretty clear that the things that bring us the most joy usually feel like they happen organically.
It feels better to be honest about our bullshit and stop hating it than it does to try to medicate it away.
Laughing a little at our pain and suffering is perfectly okay…even healthy. What if it really isn’t that serious, and what if, in the big picture, the things we suffer for really aren’t that important?
Source: Elephant Journal